


Life

by Mycatshuman



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Animal Death, Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-27
Updated: 2020-03-27
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:01:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23345854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mycatshuman/pseuds/Mycatshuman
Summary: Virgil has to deal with the last few moments of a kitten's life.Warnings: death, sad, tears, angst, lots of angst, let me know if I missed any.Grab your tissues
Comments: 2
Kudos: 15





	Life

Virgil looked around his room with sleep filled eyes. His music was still playing, so that was good. He saw a bit of pale light, the kind of light you see on early mornings with an overhang of rainy, thunderous clouds in the sky. At least there was a possibility of a rainy day. That was good. He liked the rain. Reaching up, he grabbed his phone and checked the time. He let out a sigh as he read  _ 6:00 _ . It was early. He don't know how so much time went past. It seemed like he had just went to bed a few minutes ago. And he knew he fell asleep sometime after one. He set his phone down and snuggled deeper into his covers, planning to go back to bed when he noticed he was alone. Sitting up the searched his blankets and around only to find them lacking the barely a month old kitten who normally slept with him when he wasn't with his mother and nursing. 

Feeling his heart drop into his stomach, he pushed the blankets aside and moved forward to look into the box up on the mattress where he had placed him with his older brother last night. Kneeling on his small bed on the floor comprised of a cot, memory foam, and a few blankets, he looked up into the box to find the mother standing and the big brother on his side. He looked for the small grey tabby kitten only to find him lying on his side as well, his head laid back and the other cat's paw laying around him, almost as if he had been playing with him. 

Virgil shook his head. “No, no, no, no, nonononono!” He moved his hand inside and ran a finger down the kittens side. It was cold, but not too cold. The kitten hardly moved. Moving the kitten slightly Virgil found his head falling with no support holding it up. Tears sprung to his eyes as he looked down at the little kitten. The only logical thing that could have happened was his older brother, a rambunctious black kitten who was a few months older must have tried playing with his and ended up being too rough. Tears began to fall as he whispered to the little kitten. “I'm so sorry, Ghostie! I'm so so sorry! I should've let you lay with me. I should have let you lay with me! I'm so sorry!”

Overcome with grief, Virgil let himself fall back onto his bed and pulled the covers around himself as tears fell from his dark blue eyes. “Why? Why, why?!?! I should've brought him back. I shouldn't have left him in the box. I shouldn't have left him in the box!” He got up and used the bathroom while hearing the sound of a video playing in the room with his mother and aunt. Being too upset to realize that his mother hadn't slept last night, and possibly the night before, he moved back into his room and decided to stay with the kitten until he passed. 

Turning on the flashlight on his phone, he moved over to the box and glanced inside to find Ghost alone, his little tummy still pushing up and down with breath. “Hold on Ghostie. I'm going to be here. I just need to find..” He looked around for a shirt or any kind of fabric to wrap the kitten in while he held him. Finding a purple shirt that he never really wore because it was a bit bright, he moved back to the box and lifted the kitten out and placing him on the stretch of fabric. Virgil's heart squeezed as the kittens head lolled in whichever direction as it had no support. “I'm here, I got ya. I won't let you be alone.” 

Virgil scooted back until his back was leaned up against the desk, his pillows behind him as he placed the kitten on his chest. A fresh tsunami of tears rolled from his eyes as it only seemed to finally hit him. Memories flooded his mind. How the kitten seemed to love him best despite not really being his cat. No matter how many times Virgil put him in the box or up on the bed, the little bugger would climb down and cuddle up on his blankets. After all the other kittens from his litter had passed, the grey kitten had taken to hoping down and laying with Virgil all through the night if his mother wasn't in the box before Virgil fell asleep. 

The fear of the kitten not eating enough weighing heavily in his mind after his mother pointed out that she thought he was getting skinnier and losing weight. Virgil brushed it off saying he wasn't but the fear still stabbed at him and he waited for the mother cat to come lay down in the box before he placed the kitten in the box to nurse while she was there. Whether or not the mother left and the kitten came down before Virgil fell asleep differed but in the morning, he always woke up to find the kitten had moved down to lay with him at some point in the night. So when Virgil woke up that morning to find the kitten wasn't laying with him, he had known something was wrong.

As Virgil held the dying kitten, he never stopped crying and whispering he was sorry and he should have made sure he was okay. All the while, his resolve to stay with the little animal until the end hardened. He wasn't going to let the kitten die alone and scared. Running the pads of his fingers through the little ones fur, he cried with the knowledge that the little kitten would never come to lay with him again. And Virgil would be left alone once again, with only his three cats who never seemed to come to him as sparse company; who wouldn't hurt him or scare him the way his mother did. 

After some time, Virgil grew cold, the fans blowing cold air on his pale arms. He quickly drew up the blankets to provide a small bit of warmth as he focused most of his attention to the little kitten in his arms. The kitten let out a loud cry, the sound sending a stab straight through Virgil's heart and his tears renewed. Fearing the kitten now dead, he moved aside part of the shirt only to find the little creature still breathing. It only provided a small amount of happiness that the little one was still there and hadn't left yet. After some time, Virgil moved to go through Tumblr as he comforted the kitten. Checking to see if his friend was up yet, he found the other still not on, and went back to scrolling through Tumblr. 

At one point, he moved the kitten around in the shirt and found what must have caused the kitten to cry out earlier. The poor little thing had gone to bathroom. It pained Virgil to no end that the little kitten who had once seeked him out so often and had gone to the bathroom on his bed to his dismay, was going to die. Every so often Virgil would lean forward and place a small kiss to the kitten's small head and a new wave of tears fell. “I should have given you more kisses,” he cried. “And now you'll never get them again.” Pain pierced his heart as he placed another kiss to the small creature's head. “I'm so sorry.”

After some amount of time, Virgil tried to stay positive. Looking down at the kitten he whispered, “It's okay. You're not alone. I'm here. You'll be with your brothers and sisters. And I have another kitty up there. She'll be there. She'll protect you until I'm there. Her name is Princess and she will keep you safe.” Virgil wanted to give then kitten to his aunt, to see if she could save him. But she wasn't up and he didn't want to be seen crying. And he didn't want his mother's pity or comfort. He already knew the kitten was too far gone. It was too late. He couldn't save him. Even trying to let the little kitten nurse didn't work. He had no strength. 

Virgil continued to scroll through Tumblr, checking that the kitten was breathing every so often, and leaving small kisses to his head as he laid on Virgil's chest. His tears would dry, but for now they remained pooled in his eyes, ready for a moments notice to fall as, once again, emotions overwhelmed him. Sometimes the kitten would move his head or twitch, and Virgil would think, would dare to hope that maybe, just maybe, the kitten was okay. That the kitten just needed to be warmed up. But every time new tears fell as Virgil was forced to realize, once again that the kitten would not be making it. 

Time passed. Soon it was 8:30. Virgil had school work he had to do. He had to log in to school and get it done. But the perks of being in cyber school was he could sign in whenever as long as he signed in that day. But with the grief filling him, Virgil doubted being able to do much in the lines of school work that day. He even half wished the kitten passed already. The little one seemed so sad and in pain that Virgil didn't want him to suffer anymore. He even debated giving the cat to his aunt and laying back down to sleep more. But his heart told him he couldn't. 

Virgil found himself wondering how long. How long until the kitten died? How long would he hold the dying kitten to make sure the little guy at least didn't die alone. He almost wondered if the kitten was holding on for him. Would the kitten have already been dead if he hadn't been there? Would the kitten have let go sooner? Was the kitten suffering longer because he was there? Virgil knew that it was common for cats to hide when they knew the end was near so as to protect their owner. It broke his heart to think the kitten was suffering more for him. 

Going to the bathroom, Virgil refused to leave the kitten. However, as he carried him, the kitten cried out and flung his head back, his body close to falling from Virgil's hands. A fresh wave of tears. As he went back in the room, turning the heater on and checking the kitten, he found the little bug still breathing. “You can let go. You don't have to hold on for me. Everything will be okay. You know that right? Everything will be okay.” 

Virgil watched as the kitten took small breathes before taking a huge one. And he feared that this was it. However his kitten continued his slow breaths. “I love you, Ghostie. I love you so much. Thank you for being there for me. I'm gonna miss you.” The kitten stayed with his head on Virgil's collarbone and his chin brushed the top of the animal's head every time he moved. After some time, hunger rumbled. However, Virgil ignored it. He couldn't leave the kitten. 

He switched to Facebook at one point just to get rid of the small one on the app. He ended up taking a few of those stupid quizzes like, “How fake are you?” Or “What cartoon character do you look like?” Seeing a “What is your Guardian Angel saying to you right now?” He shrugged and clicked, not sure what it would be but curious nonetheless. Anything to distract him from grim reality. After seeing the supposed text from his guardian angel he frowned. He didn't have a dead grandfather. Then it hit him and he became creepily aware of the box behind him with a Budweiser stein mug in it. Inside, his Budweiser loving grandfather's ashes lay. Pappy was his step grandfather. Pappy Stare his real one. He had almost forgotten. 

Tears sprang to his eyes again and looked down and placed another kiss to the kitten's head. The kitten cried for a while. He cried out, and withered, flipping his back as he stretched out his back. He curled in on himself and cried out more. Virgil cried even more. He couldn't do anything. He just wanted the kitten to be okay. He just wanted him to be alive and happy. It made him regret not spending as much time as he normally did with the kitten yesterday. Virgil ended up logging into school but he didn't do anything. Just let the laptop sit. 

His friend, Roman texted him at one point. But they didn't get to talk long. He was actually in school. Virgil didn't tell him about Ghost. 

After a while the crying and writhing stopped. Virgil laid down, allowing the kitten and him to lay out. He kissed the kitten on his head and muttered an “I love you”. He was tired. So very tired. And he knew he would end up falling asleep or something. But the next thing he knew, it was 11:57, the last time he had checked it had been around 11:30, and the kitten was gone. Tears leaked from his eyes. He was surprised. He thought he was all out of tears. “I love you, Ghostie. I miss you already.” 

He didn't want to move him. Virgil wanted to lay down and wait for someone to come in and notice. He wanted to sleep. He was sad and tired. He just wanted to hold the kitten a little more. Just a little while longer. That's all he wanted. Just a little more time. That's all. 

Virgil couldn't help but think of the “what if's”.  _ What if the kitten had lived? How would he have acted? Would he still be attached to me even after he grew up? Would he watch tv with me? Relax on my lap all the time? Would he comfort me when I was sad? What would he have been like?  _

And he couldn't help but to think of the “never's”.  _ He will never purr for a human. He will never know the happiness of getting human food. He will never get to be spoiled. He will never get to play. He will never get to explore the rest of the house. He will never. He will never. He will never.  _ Virgil almost couldn't take it. He knew he should be happy for the kitten. He was no longer suffering. But, still his heart yearned. 

He just wanted his little Ghost back. 

**Author's Note:**

> This was based off my own experience so the emotions Virgil is going through are my really reactions to what happened. This isn't how everyone reactions but it is how I reacted. So please respect that.   
> Let me know what you think?


End file.
